i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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