Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
