I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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