I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
