well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
