uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
