Got a toothbrush?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
