Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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