3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize