i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
