Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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