Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to have your abortion
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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