Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
