Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did i walk over a car last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
