you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just had sex on a roof
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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