just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
