I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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