if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize