My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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