Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
