My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
