he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
