I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize