did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
