The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
