I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
