This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize