i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
