Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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