Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
