I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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