haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
