First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
