I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my being single is dangerous.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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