everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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