i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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