she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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