Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
