i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
