i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
