Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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