i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
