What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
