If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
