i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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