And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My liver just had a heart attack.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
