those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
