smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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