maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
