I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
