my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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