I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
