LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
