i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
