Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
