That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
