apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
