She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
