Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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