if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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