awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
