I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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