thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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