You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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