Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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