THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
