maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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