Quick, to the slutcave!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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