people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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