I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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