Yo dont text me then not text me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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