he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
