If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
