glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
