If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Randomize
