Duck Duck Cougar?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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