hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize