I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
