What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
