I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
