Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
