fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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