The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
