Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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