I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
