onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
