Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
