at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
