he puts the penis in happiness.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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