Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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