break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
