I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
