I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
