This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
