Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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