yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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